First of all, let me say that we have been very blessed with being able to get pregnant quickly and so far a pretty healthy pregnancy with no complications. With the nature of my business, Zach and I decided that it was a good idea to have this baby in the winter months. Business is pretty slow for me and that way I can focus on him. Most people told us that things don’t really happen that way and you can’t “plan” on when to have a baby. Zach and I are pretty big planners so we were going to try. We have traveled, we have gone out, we have went to the bars plenty of times and we were ready. We wanted to do one more big trip before we started on this journey so we planned to to go Ireland, London and Scotland in March in hope of conceiving there. About a month later I photographed a friend’s wedding in the Dominican Republic and we are pretty sure baby was made there after lots of rum drinks 
I was feeling great and pretty excited about this journey. It was not as hard as people said and we got pretty lucky it happened so fast. Until the day I turned 6 weeks. Started the morning by throwing up every 30 minutes from about 8am-2pm. I found out that this so called “morning sickness” can happen all day. The next day it happened again. That night Zach and I went to Whole Foods in search of natural remedies for morning sickness. Ginger root, peppermint tea and the list went on and on. Needless to say, nothing helped. On top of this I got sick with a cold. Everyday I was either in the bed or the bathroom floor. Sleeping or puking. I could not eat anything either. I was feeling so defeated because everyday I woke up hoping to get things accomplished but I could get nothing accomplished. That was so hard for me because I am not used to resting. I am always on the go and usually on top of everything. I was really starting to not like being pregnant after two weeks of this. I remember crying on the bathroom floor as snot was running out of my nose and lifting my head up to try and puke, just feeling like I wanted that baby out of me and to feel normal again. Now I know that is a very shallow statement and I did feel bad for thinking that way, but it’s how I felt.
After going to the doctor, I was put on prednisone because I had already lost 6 pounds and its dangerous if you loose more than 10. Plus I had weddings to shoot and there is no way I could do that puking every 30 minutes. Prednisone is an anti nausea medicine. It worked…thank goodness. I started eating again and we went to the lake for Memorial Day weekend. When we got there I realized I forgot to bring the medicine. Instant puking the next morning and we had to go home. I am usually a pretty healthy eater but all I could stomach was junk, junk and more junk. I wanted only carbs, chips and anything else terrible for you. I am obsessed with apples and even they turned me off. My body was changing too. I am also an avid workout person so this was just killing me. Not being able to workout, eating like shit and my body getting bigger. I had Zach take my first belly picture at 12 weeks. I looked at the back of the camera and cried. Now I know, that you get bigger when you are pregnant, but it was just devastating to see myself like that. After all this I was just not really loving pregnancy and I still do not get those people that say they love it. I defiantly do not love it and as ashamed as I am to say that, I know there are other people that feel the same. I sometimes feel bad about it but I didn’t really develop any bond with the baby and I just didn’t feel like it was real. I was physically and emotionally broken because my normal way of life was so interrupted. I mentally broke down quite a few times.
Everyone keep telling me the sickness would go away soon, as I entered the second trimester. Well it did not. I was finally able to ween myself of of prednisone around 20 weeks. The bump was becoming more noticeable and I was able to handle my normal healthy foods again. I remember I made a kale salad and I was so happy to actually want to eat it and not feel like it was going to make me hurl. The first apple I had tasted so good, I had two more that day. Things were looking up. I still never felt normal or like myself which made me still not love being pregnant. At 22 weeks we found out were were having a boy, which really helped because I was able to start bonding and getting things ready for him. I was working normally and able to workout normally. Although Fusion Fitness was a little more challenging, it was feeling so good to go 3-4 times a week like I normally do. I have not really had any cravings, nor have I been eating more. I eat about the same. I am getting less tired, which has helped me get back to normal working hours. Now this is my busiest time of the year and I realized I can’t do it all. It’s been hard realizing that this pregnancy is limiting me on certain things and knowing when to let my body rest.
As I enter the third trimester I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although still not loving being pregnancy, it has gotten better. I was starting to feel kicks so that was pretty cool. I could feel them all the time and see them, which helped my bonding with the little mister. That first trimester was the longest 3 months of my life, but after reaching 20 weeks it has sped up a little. I don’t have anything on my “must have while pregnant” list because I didn’t really have anything that I couldn’t live without. I did buy maternity jeans and maternity leggings which have been really nice. Plus some really soft and cozy maternity shirts from Gap. Other than that I have just tired to resume life as normal and what I am looking forward to the most is the little nugget being here and not in my belly. I know things will be harder when he is here and life will throw even more challenges at me, but I personally think I will like that stage more. It’s been a tough road for me to be excited and happy about being pregnant. I have just now started reading all the baby books and getting his room all put together. We started our class at Shawnee Mission Birth Center and things are becoming more real. I’m shooting for a natural birth with no interventions. Zach supports me fully in this and we started on a birth plan. He has been reading some great books too about coaching and getting me through it, so I am feeling pretty confident. I know that women have been doing this for hundreds of years so I’m not anyone special which makes me believe in myself even more that I can do it.
I know everyone’s pregnancy is different but I just wanted to share my story because I think some people do feel the same way as me and I think its ok. I have felt bad about it and shallow in my thoughts, but at least I am being honest. Would love to hear your stories and experiences as well!
We did get some amazing maternity pictures done by Marie Photography. Very glad we did this in the place that we both love. Can’t wait for Maddox to be a lake baby
We tried doing the week pictures but didn’t get too far. These were not my favorite thing
I have loved getting everything ready for his room. That part has been very fun and helpful in this whole progress to lift my mood. Here is a little sneak peek into his room.
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